The e-mail I quoted in my last entry sent me back to my entries about Chuck. These are some of the most meaningful and significant entries I’ve written in the five or so years I’ve been keeping this blog. They are about something that touches us all. We all lose people we love. We all [...]
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Today is Chuck’s birthday. He would be 60. I miss you so much. I still cry. It’s been two years since you left but I still miss you. I still feel sad or angry occasionally, usually after I go to bed and my mind drifts to one of the million memories of us that rattle around in my head. It’s OK though. It’s been two years since you left but the crushing [...] is Chuck’s birthday. He would be 59. Thanks to Jimbo, the memorial site for Chuck is up: feistybear.com Feistybear was a nickname I had for Chuck when he got a hair up his butt, which happened quite frequently. He obviously liked it enough to register it as a domain name. He used it as his e-mail address during the remainder of his [...] After Chuck died, pretty much everyone who had been in my shoes told me that the grief would come in waves. They were mostly right. The grief comes in wave clusters. After a fairly long (several weeks) break during which I felt at peace with Chuck’s death, I’ve been struck by a cluster of grief waves. [...] The gym was crowded last night. It is, as Chuck F. calls it, “panic month” in San Francisco, and the machines and benches were occupied by guys trying to get buffed and toned for the Folsom Street Fair on Sunday the 24th. It is a ritual I have witnessed for the 11 years that I’ve [...] I spent yesterday afternoon pulling together things for Chuck’s memorial site. I combed through e-mails that people sent with their memories of Chuck, condolences, messages of support. I selected 22 photographs, which I scanned today. I collected four poems / expressions of grief that I wrote as well as Paul’s eulogy. I still need to write [...] “I didn’t know I could feel this way.” I said this to Chuck on August 8th last year as I sat in his hospital room. His illness hurt me more than I thought possible and left me emotionally fragile most of the time. On August 8th he had been in the hospital for a month. My little [...] Chuck and I had a commitment ceremony up at the log house ten years ago today. I reminded him of this date every year, even after we were no longer together. Last year at this time, while he was in the hospital and as I was on my way to see him, I planned [...] |
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